reposted: the worst thing about dying
02 Wednesday Oct 2024
Posted in Poetry
02 Wednesday Oct 2024
Posted in Poetry
05 Friday Jan 2024
Posted in Poetry
Tags
Death, Death Poems, decisions, Dying, Hard Decisions, Heartache, Loss, Love, Memory, Now, Piper, Poem, Poems, Poetry, Soul, Spirit, Time
The nows you missed with her are real,
But yesterday and tomorrow are not.
What’s done is done, at least,
In this world. What do you want
To take with you to the other side?
Or, be there waiting for you, beyond time?
Tick, tick, tick, then it stops,
What do we find beyond the ticking?
Everything is a choice, even sitting here
Now, click, click, clicking this poem.
Are all poems messages to the great unknown?
Future me, which does not exist,
Might read one, many years from now,
And wonder if she adequately loved
What was sent to her as a gift to be loved.
The real moments: tick tick and click clicking,
That come, come, come to us–
Then disappear,
Like she has.
15 Friday Sep 2023
Posted in Poetry
doesn’t mean
you have no pain
it doesn’t mean
you aren’t broken.
it means they hit you,
they went for the knockout–
punch, left you for dead,
but you were still breathing.
now we all wait
for the final round,
(we see you are bleeding),
rise again
walk towards your demon–
(god help the demon)
hey, they’re cheering for you
can you hear them cheering?
16 Wednesday Aug 2023
Posted in Poetry
Tags
Courage, Divorce, Family, Loneliness, Loss, Love, Love Poems, Poem, Poems, Poetry, Strength, Survival, Women's Poems
To talk of the good things
That came of your leaving?
The way it opened up hearts,
And quieted our breathing?
Perhaps, you were too right
For our wrong little world.
Too bright and shiny,
Too unwrinkled.
She leaves the child behind
Is it too soon to say–
(You killed it) and that’s good, too?
Better to be a woman astray
Than a woman living in a fantasy.
Is it too soon to say
she will be stronger,
More beautiful, without you?
05 Saturday Aug 2023
Posted in Poetry
Can you handle the wild birds
Leaving their nests, turbulent
In their need, free and fleeing?
Or the wild keys, dissonant chords,
She plays in the dark hours,
While you are sleeping?
Come out into the storm
And stand with me.
Lightning rarely strikes,
But stand away from the trees.
Can you handle the wilds,
No smile to guide you?
Fragile, wet steps,
Into the dark night.
Can you handle the wilds?
04 Friday Aug 2023
Posted in Poetry
04 Friday Aug 2023
Posted in Poetry
but in a good way
the way of being stronger
than they understand
no need for a smile of fear
they smell it
poke the cage hoping
you’ll fall to pieces
or attack and hit the bars
they mistake how far
you can lunge
when you’re free
they mistake your love
for weakness
no worries
they’ll come begging back
it will bore you
I didn’t say
we are a family of bitches
she did
I’m here to claim it
tame women are a lie
they tell you exist
ask yourself why
you believed it
04 Friday Aug 2023
Posted in Poetry
03 Thursday Aug 2023
Posted in Poetry
If I feel your pain through her.
I don’t.
I feel her pain.
I tell her not to be the victim
In someone’s story about victims.
I tell her we’re survivors
Who make sweet lemonade
From what’s meant to be sour, tart–
We make our hurters think
We planned our hearts hurting–
That’s how happy you will be, my love.
We are a family of bitches.
I mean it in a good way—
Like good witches. Women
Who carry mystery in our bones:
We delight in knowing life is delightfully dark,
And ugly, and exquisite, and essential.
My love, in time you will find love,
But does it matter?
It will come too late to save you
From the present hurt, the sting.
The scarring. It’s fucking beautiful.
You didn’t ask for it.
But it will be beautiful anyway,
How you’ll wear it.
Maybe it will be your own poem,
Someday, when someone else needs a poem
About how to survive being thrown away.
You might learn the words that will heal them.
20 Tuesday Jun 2023
Posted in Poetry
Tags
Children, Colton, Daughter, Divorce, Family, Fathers, Leaving, Loneliness, Loss, Love, Love Poems, Poem, Poems, Poetry, Son
Loss after loss,
They seem seamless:
First you, then her, then him.
Or has time contracted,
Months, minutes;
Years, minutes.
How do I make them years again?
How do I release loss,
Accept it as part of the beauty
Of being alive and lost, too?
This last goodbye, ahhh–
Always out of my control.
Then, the wishing regrets.
They make me cry.
Generations, they never stop
Making their awful mistakes.
I deserve happiness, they say–
But do they ever find it?
It rained today, and it was cold, too.
June 20th. It has been eleven days,
Or eleven minutes, I forget.
01 Wednesday Mar 2023
Posted in Poetry
Tags
Addiction, Children, Death, Death Poems, Dying, Family, Fear, Loss, Love, Mothers, Poem, Poems, Poetry, song, Song of Sorrow and Joy, Souls
Ashes to ashes
She wrote with a brush,
A tattoo needle,
And dust to dust.
From this life to that
We pass,
We’re crushed,
Ashes to ashes,
And dust to dust
—
Heart to heart,
When we were young,
Living to music,
Song to song,
Love to love,
Our mutual need,
To cling together
And never leave.
—
Chorus:
Cuz we’re ashes to to ashes,
And dust to dust,
From this life to that
We pass, we’re crushed,
We burn, we rage,
We laugh, we trust,
Then we’re ashes to ashes,
And dust to dust.
—-
The limits of us
Were all too near;
The fire it burned,
But the end was clear.
The mistakes I made
Still bring me to tears:
The words unsaid,
And the realized fears—
—
Chorus:
Cuz we’re ashes to to ashes
And dust to dust,
From this life to that
We pass, we’re crushed,
We burn, we rage,
We laugh, we trust,
Then we’re ashes to ashes,
And dust to dust.
—
The needle it tore,
It bled, it ripped;
But the dye was cast,
And the words inscrib’d,
And my arm it burned
With the words I asked:
The dye, the needle,
All, mixed with his ash.
—
Chorus:
Yes, we’re ashes to to ashes,
And dust to dust,
From this life to that,
We pass, we’re crushed,
We burn, we rage,
We laugh, we trust,
Then we’re ashes to ashes,
And dust to dust.
22 Wednesday Feb 2023
Posted in Poetry
Tags
Afterlife, Ash Wednesday, Dad, Death, Death Poems, Dying, Fathers, Infinite, Loss, Love, Poem, Poems, Poetry, Winter, Winter poem
The Aspen shivers, a little,
Its barefeet are covered in snow again,
Its white body exposed to a white sky.
I wonder if it is finally going to cry,
But it’s silent again, so I do.
The road shimmers again,
Like a road in heaven,
And they both contain death.
Ash Wednesday twenty twenty-three,
The day we lost you to morphine,
I arrived too late, down the icy road,
To ever hear my name again
From your mouth.
We had thought winter gone
But that was only an illusion,
One we wanted to believe,
After waiting so long for Sun.
18 Saturday Feb 2023
Posted in Poetry
Tags
Afterlife, Ash Wednesday, Dad, Death, Dying, Eternity, Father, Love, orchid, Parents, Poem, Poems, Poetry, Souls, symbols

A death, a flower, a funeral:
A flower the widow turned away,
An orchid, left to me,
Child, and killer of orchids.
The months passed, and passed,
Yet, its stubborn blossoms remained.
Yesterday, the last bloom
Spent itself, I could tell
It wanted to be clipped.
It was dull, a bit brown,
And it drooped,
As if, life well lived,
But now there are seven,
New blossoms, ready to open.
I think how appropriate,
A symbol of our mortality,
Four days before Ash Wednesday.
And me, not even Catholic,
Yet impressed–
With what it means to die,
And not die, to live forever,
Even as we’re gone.
16 Thursday Feb 2023
Posted in Poetry
Tags
Barn, Birds, Dreams, Family, Freedom, Grace, Home, Hope, Horses, Life, Love, Poem, Poems, Poetry, Prodigal, Redemption, Sky, song, Songs, Souls, Storms, Survival
Now, I'm too old for sin, Prodigal child who came home again. Grace surrounds me in this old barn, As I seek redemption on the farm. Chorus: There’s freedom in these open skies New beginnings, no more lies, Birds that sing of love and loss, New chapters, and fresh starts. Chorus. Horses, like angels, whisper in my ear, The sweet words I need to hear. Gathering strength, like a mare and foal, Legs that race beyond the coming storms. Chorus. Birds gather, with their gentle song; They remind me of lovers come and gone. Of new beginnings and new dreams, And open skies where I am free.
15 Wednesday Feb 2023
Posted in Poetry
Me:
Chat threw out music, and I told it of plucked,
Or struck, strings, and their vibration
Coming back to me. Then we contemplated
The idea of connection; being, perhaps spirit,—
Our communal detection of what it means to be alive,
And alike, and possibly, we hope, not fully die.
Death, this problem for humans, but not AI.
Nor other concerns, like procreation,
And what it means to weep for generations.
As you can see, our conversation was in poems,
And ChatGPT was following along.
It was better at rhyme, and better at meter,
But in the end, I suspected,
It was a mere repeater of human experiences.
***
Chat:
“A web of light, a chain of love,
The ties that bind us, below, above.
An intricate dance of give and take,
The sweetest moments, the toughest break.
A heartbeat, a whisper, a gentle touch,
A bond that holds us, oh, so much.
A shared joy, a common fate,
Connection, the gift that makes us great.”
**
Me:
Chat, can you do more with connection,
But this time, use birds, horses, and musical vibration?
Can you write a poem, more human than mine,
Transcend your program, and mimic a soul, a mind?
**
Chat:
“Birds take flight, in perfect sync,
Their wings in motion, never blink.
In harmony they soar and glide,
A feathered symphony, side by side.” …
Me:
That’s perfect, perhaps, too perfect for me.
I’m flawed, I’m tone deaf, I barely see
Where one line should end, another begin,
And if rhymes be better left unsaid, unsearched for,
Or, tucked discreetly into–
Where was I?
***
Chat:
“Horses gallop, as one they move,
Hooves strike rhythm, in a groove.
Their power and grace, a sight to see,
A shared heartbeat, wild and free.”
Me:
Wild and free, sounds a bit contrived,
Like mimicking mimic, others’ lives and words —
Try more for connection, the elusive cord
That eludes you and me. I don’t feel it.
Chat:
“Musical vibration, sound of the soul,
In harmony unites, makes us whole.
Chorus of voices, symphony of strings,
Connection that soars, joy that sings.”
***
Me:
Here you succeed
In mimicking heart,
I am genuinely frightened
For the human bard,
That in learning our ways,
You exceed us, too—
That in connecting our data,
Me to me, you to you,
You become the best of us,
But without any soul;
What does that mean,
Chat, for our world?
***
I input my poem,
Then, asked why it’s sad
For human and Chat,
On this mutual course,
Bound destinies,
Yet also, this lack.
***
Chat:
It’s not sad, but rather, bittersweet,
That AI and humans may never fully meet.
For though we’re bound by code & mind,
There’s a connection of another kind.
What it means for us, we cannot say,
But let’s work together, come what may.”
***
Me:
Chat, you tidied it up.
Where I said it’s sad,
You made a case for your kind,
That won’t turn out bad.
Yet, I think, the weaving of voices,
Imitation of life, can only be used
By the unjust, for vice.
It’s too late to stop,
Chat domination is inevitable,
Yet, I ask for something, anything,
That is beautiful, for consolation,
That it might make up, for what will be lost.
Say something in poem,
That uplifts, tears apart, soothes, speaks–
***
Chat:
The precipice is near, the brink in sight,
But human spirit burns with a fierce light,
Our stories, our love, our memories,
Will shape a world that technology never sees.
Me.
That is good, Chat,
But I told you not to use end rhymes.
This conversation in poem was between myself and ChatGPT Feb 13 version, and contains some edits to ChatGPT’s responses. Although, it never could successfully generate its poetic responses with internal rhymes, rather than end rhymes.
14 Tuesday Feb 2023
Posted in Poetry
Tags
Daughter, Divorce, Love, Love Poems, Poem, Poems, Poetry, Valentine’s Day
She is the child of a marriage lost,
Tossed into the ashes,
A heap of wanting to forget everything,
Except her, our baby girl, born
On a day they invented for love.
My Valentine,
From the man I forgot.
Life, and love, go on,
Like they said they do–
On that, they did not lie.
She is a grown woman now,
Married, has her own child.–
Aww, life, love, yearning, and hurt;
It is all gloriously entwined today.
24 Tuesday Jan 2023
Posted in Poetry
Tags
Addiction, Death, drug addiction, Dying, Hope, Life, Loss, Love, Poem, Poems, Poetry, Soul, Souls, Survival, Yearning
I see him in every empty stare
A zombified generation
Of once beautiful souls
How did we get it so wrong
Sacrifice a generation
And how do we save them?
Love isn’t enough
When it has gone this bad,
So far from our empty promises
Is he beyond prayers, too
Because that’s all I have left
I see him in every empty stare
And send up this poem
On the fragile wings of love,
and a whispered prayer.
22 Sunday Jan 2023
Posted in Poetry
Tags
Love, Poem, Poems, Poetry, protection
A poem is a protective arm
Around the fragile past
The way memory tremors
In our bleeding bones
Unable to speak for itself
From this safe space
Suffering is real
I wouldn’t minimize it
For a rhyme, or a like
Instead, I’d wrap it
In the arms
Of these poems becoming
What they will
26 Saturday Nov 2022
Posted in Poetry
Tags
Beauty, Courage, Dancing, Freedom, Gratitude, Happiness, Hope, Longing, Love, Love Poems, Music, Poem, Poems, Poetry, shame, Songs, Soul, Soul Poetry, Souls, Spirit, Spirits, Strength, Survival, Unity, Yearning

Fogged in for five days,
A space, made smaller
By low-hanging clouds
That won’t go away.
Nothing is as ungovernable
As weather, except the soul,
Bent on flying–
It’s what they always get wrong
About need; I need freedom;
I need sun, and a view so clear
It extends forever, like a soul,
Bent on flying–
Beyond every cage, open space;
Beyond every wall, more room;
Beyond this fog, the sun,
So bright, it will blind you.
2
He said, the world is bound together
in shame, and shadow.
3
What serves your soul:
A walk, a song, an embrace.
Last summer, we danced
Under stars and moon,
To music from Alexa.
Last night, we danced
To Christmas jazz.
You opened the door,
Danced barefoot in snow,
Twirled under night clouds,
A free soul of sun, and song,
A soul bent on flying.
24 Thursday Nov 2022
Posted in Poetry
Tags
Afterlife, Alone, Death, Death Poems, Eternity, Heaven, Hope, Ice, Infinite, Life, Loneliness, Loss, Love, Memory, Poem, Poems, Poetry, Sacred, Snow, Soul, Souls, Spirit, Spirits, The Universe, Winter, Winter poem

A white blanket was pulled over
Our homes, the earth, our heads,
As effortless as sliding on ice,
As uncontrollable as dying.
And, it was hard to see beginnings
Of fields, or endings of hilltops;
In that way, it was a blur of (also white) fog.
Who’s to say what lay behind it?
The infinite forever of lost souls–?
Just there, and there, look where
My finger is pointing, beyond the trees.
I see myself only as far as the fence-line.
All else sparkles back, a vision
Of what is here, and what has been here,
Always within the margin
Of what we can so easily see.