Tag Archives: Family

Introduction

26 Sunday Oct 2025

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What is love,

But an unanswered question?

I do love the way

You listened to that note—

It hung in our mutual air

A moment we shared.

As if a matter of life

And death

Because it was that matter

Which consumed us.

And then gone.

I do love the way

You go

Missing.

——

I know love comes broken,

But it took breaking

To teach me.

——

Perhaps, my first love was longing.

And in that desperate hope

Came everything.

—-

And then there was love.

—

And then there was loneliness.

—

And then there was complete despair.

—

And then there was you.

—

Still breaking me.

Because such intensity can only consume.

Thirst and drink, but the glass is always leaking.

Reach and reach, but the hands seem empty.

—

And then there were your arms.

—

And then there was loneliness.

—

My time is winding down to tell you

About being human.

Such a world!

Born into a desperate flesh

And nascent blood.

Will we learn too late

How precious it was to suffer?

—

I would like to introduce myself:

Even as I mourn myself.

Is It Too Soon

16 Wednesday Aug 2023

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To talk of the good things

That came of your leaving?

The way it opened up hearts,

And quieted our breathing?

Perhaps, you were too right

For our wrong little world.

Too bright and shiny,

Too unwrinkled.

She leaves the child behind

Is it too soon to say–

(You killed it) and that’s good, too?

Better to be a woman astray

Than a woman living in a fantasy.

Is it too soon to say

she will be stronger,

More beautiful, without you?

I Deserve Happiness

20 Tuesday Jun 2023

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Loss after loss,

They seem seamless:

First you, then her, then him.

Or has time contracted,

Months, minutes;

Years, minutes.

How do I make them years again?

How do I release loss,

Accept it as part of the beauty

Of being alive and lost, too?

This last goodbye, ahhh–

Always out of my control.

Then, the wishing regrets.

They make me cry.

Generations, they never stop

Making their awful mistakes.

I deserve happiness, they say–

But do they ever find it?

It rained today, and it was cold, too.

June 20th. It has been eleven days,

Or eleven minutes, I forget.

Ashes to Ashes (Song)

01 Wednesday Mar 2023

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Ashes to ashes

She wrote with a brush,

A tattoo needle,

And dust to dust.

From this life to that

We pass,

We’re crushed,

Ashes to ashes,

And dust to dust

—

Heart to heart,

When we were young,

Living to music,

Song to song,

Love to love,

Our mutual need,

To cling together

And never leave.

—

Chorus:

Cuz we’re ashes to to ashes,

And dust to dust,

From this life to that

We pass, we’re crushed,

We burn, we rage,

We laugh, we trust,

Then we’re ashes to ashes,

And dust to dust.

—-

The limits of us

Were all too near;

The fire it burned,

But the end was clear.

The mistakes I made

Still bring me to tears:

The words unsaid,

And the realized fears—

—

Chorus:

Cuz we’re ashes to to ashes

And dust to dust,

From this life to that

We pass, we’re crushed,

We burn, we rage,

We laugh, we trust,

Then we’re ashes to ashes,

And dust to dust.

—

The needle it tore,

It bled, it ripped;

But the dye was cast,

And the words inscrib’d,

And my arm it burned

With the words I asked:

The dye, the needle,

All, mixed with his ash.

—

Chorus:

Yes, we’re ashes to to ashes,

And dust to dust,

From this life to that,

We pass, we’re crushed,

We burn, we rage,

We laugh, we trust,

Then we’re ashes to ashes,

And dust to dust.

Home Again (A Song)

16 Thursday Feb 2023

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Now, I'm too old for sin, 
Prodigal child who came home again.
Grace surrounds me in this old barn,
As I seek redemption on the farm.

Chorus:

There’s freedom in these open skies
New beginnings, no more lies,
Birds that sing of love and loss,
New chapters, and fresh starts.

Chorus.

Horses, like angels, whisper in my ear, 
The sweet words I need to hear.
Gathering strength, like a mare and foal,
Legs that race beyond the coming storms.

Chorus.

Birds gather, with their gentle song; 
They remind me of lovers come and gone.
Of new beginnings and new dreams,
And open skies where I am free.

What Was Lost in the Trade

15 Sunday May 2022

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The push, and pull, of memory,

When you left me I got sadness, despair,

When I left you, I got amnesia.

Be careful what you forget,

Memories, hostage to one another,

Shoved into the abyss, together they go,

What was beautiful, too,

The joy of holding his babies at my breasts,

The sound of love in first words;

Hope, like a childhood dream,

You’re embarrassed you believed.

And now, no plumbing the hole

With dirty hands, arms not long enough

To reach what was so easily given away;

(The hurt was not traded for living,

As I’d hoped,) no, I want them all back,

Though they bring you, with the sadness, too.

Toward Our Once Bright Existence

03 Thursday Feb 2022

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In the end, we don’t know

How the end will come,

Peaceful, as we sleep,

Or, under the thumb

Of morphine. Memories,

Like flotsam, from the depths

Of our once bright existence,

Form a tunnel toward our exit,

Each day, one step closer,

Almost touching what was lost:

mother, child, father.

A Broken Thing

26 Wednesday Jan 2022

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I’d be lying, if I said I didn’t know,

Years of turmoil, like a river,

With a dangerous undertow.

Like swimmers, outside their boat,

Unable to swim, thrown against rocks.

We were young, and bound together

By our children. Then, the talk:

You don’t love me, he said,

And, rather than saying it wasn’t true,

I asked, what does love have to do

With being married? We have kids.

We were pulled over, under a bridge,

Which spans the mighty Snake River.

We were both wrong, but does it matter?

Self-fulling, breakup chatter–

Prelude to the email I would find–

Betrayal, is not a kind way to end.

Twenty years later, still not friends,

Yet, we are friendly in our pain.

The sting of loss, defines a sting,

And taints our world, a broken thing.

The Not So Little Things

29 Wednesday Dec 2021

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“Weep for what little things could make them glad. Then for the house that is no more a house. (Directive, Robert Frost)

1.

The frosty backs of horses at the bale,

The red fence, framing the snow,

This is the beauty I found

In the extreme cold

of December.

And I remember

Wishing for it.

2.

Do you want to save this bird,

It was a falcon,

And it ran, with broken wing,

At the edge

Of a barbed wire fence.

He asked me, as he knew

I was a lover of wild things,

And a nurturer of broken wings.

I do, I said, I do.

Then, he was out of the car,

Walking among snow

And wounded bird.

I watched him from the backseat,

The car, I would someday wreck.

But that day, it was whole,

And we were whole,

And he returned, victorious,

Gloved hands,

Cradling broken bird.

3.

I don’t know why he gave it to her,

But she was in possession

Of his cowboy hat,

And she knew

I was the one who wanted it.

I was in possession of money,

And funny prankster that she was,

My sister knocked on my bedroom door.

She was having a yard sale in her room,

And I was invited to shop.

I can’t remember how much I spent,

But the hat became mine,

and I was wearing it.

He laughed when he saw me,

His big hat on my small head,

And heard the story of its quick journey

From her to me–

He’d given it to her for free–

But I didn’t care,

I wore that damn hat everywhere.

4.

Before I wrecked his car,

I slid his truck off an icy road

At two am, in a snowstorm.

I remember hiking to the first house,

And a man answered the door

In his underwear, staring dumbly

At me. I was desperate for a phone

To call my dad, praying he’d pick up,

Otherwise, I’d be stuck

With the undressed stranger.

He did, and soon my dad was sliding

down the dangerous hill,

In the car I’d soon wreck.

Next, he held his metal two-ton jack,

And ratcheted the truck up, and off,

And up and off, back

Onto the road, where the ice melted,

And the snow turned to rain,

And the sky filled with lightning,

But we survived, and now,

We can laugh at this story.

Song of Sorrow and Joy: 4

11 Saturday Dec 2021

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IV

Sit, and let me sing you a song,

Of our perfection,

And our imperfections:

No species sucks so bad

At getting what we want—

I’ll title it, Love.

Realization must come

Too late, or it’s not human.

Only in losing do we understand

The full measure of what we had,

Basically, chances, and with chance,

The opportunity to grasp —

It—

And I’m back to the title of the song—

Love,

And how we suck at it.

Song of Sorrow and Joy: 2

11 Saturday Dec 2021

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II.

I’ve seen enough of spirit to know

that you’ll still be here

when I write of letting go.

How love becomes energy,

And energy can’t be destroyed.

The power of memory:

Imperfections, fade away,

Only Love remains,

As a steady anchor,

A steady hand through—

It’s been a while

since I’ve seen you laugh,

(There’s not much joy in dying,)

Yet, I remember your laughter, too,

Your tears wiped away from crying.

And it makes me smile now,

How we watched you break down,

Such a serious father,

Completely undone

By your laughter.

Song of Sorrow and Joy

10 Friday Dec 2021

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“Once I heard a song of sweetness,

As it cleft the morning air,

Sounding in its blest completeness,

Like a tender, pleading prayer;

And I sought to find the singer,

Whence the wondrous song was borne,

And I found a bird, sore wounded,

Pinioned by a thorn.”

I.

The song of joy comes

From the same place as sorrow:

All losses bound together

With all gifts,

Wonder and tragedy,

Sifted, then mixed.

I will hurt no more, I said,

And it was as if my soul

Was dead to happiness, too.

But now I stand,

Ready to let go of you.

The Difficulty Getting Here

24 Saturday Apr 2021

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It’s a wonder I’m here, progeny of lost souls,

orphans, abandoned wives, poverty & places

so uninhabitable, unsustainable—

Yet, I’m here, and the generations beyond me

refuse to wither, too.

When the earth begins to close,

there’s always just enough left

to sustain us. One small patch of grass,

free of weeds, or drought,

and just enough blue sky and sun.

We find that place, and stay long enough

to drag another survivor on.

A Refuge of Birds

17 Friday May 2019

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Flood warnings, became flooded streets,
a gathering of mud, and other debris,
while in our yard, a branch broke,
from the old birch tree,
and in it, the grass nest,
a family of birds, now refugees.

And, I imagine them searching,
for a place to start again,
free of broken, flotsam dreams,
their past life, falling from this tree,
as the birch continued to bud,
and the grass continued to green.