A poem is a protective arm
Around the fragile past
The way memory tremors
In our bleeding bones
Unable to speak for itself
A Promise of Protection
04 Friday Aug 2023
Posted in Poetry
Tag Archives: Loss
A Family of Bitches
04 Friday Aug 2023
Posted in Poetry
but in a good way
the way of being stronger
than they understand
no need for a smile of fear
they smell it
poke the cage hoping
you’ll fall to pieces
or attack and hit the bars
they mistake how far
you can lunge
when you’re free
they mistake your love
for weakness
no worries
they’ll come begging back
it will bore you
I didn’t say
we are a family of bitches
she did
I’m here to claim it
tame women are a lie
they tell you exist
ask yourself why
you believed it
I Deserve Happiness
20 Tuesday Jun 2023
Posted in Poetry
Tags
Children, Colton, Daughter, Divorce, Family, Fathers, Leaving, Loneliness, Loss, Love, Love Poems, Poem, Poems, Poetry, Son
Loss after loss,
They seem seamless:
First you, then her, then him.
Or has time contracted,
Months, minutes;
Years, minutes.
How do I make them years again?
How do I release loss,
Accept it as part of the beauty
Of being alive and lost, too?
This last goodbye, ahhh–
Always out of my control.
Then, the wishing regrets.
They make me cry.
Generations, they never stop
Making their awful mistakes.
I deserve happiness, they say–
But do they ever find it?
It rained today, and it was cold, too.
June 20th. It has been eleven days,
Or eleven minutes, I forget.
Ashes to Ashes (Song)
01 Wednesday Mar 2023
Posted in Poetry
Tags
Addiction, Children, Death, Death Poems, Dying, Family, Fear, Loss, Love, Mothers, Poem, Poems, Poetry, song, Song of Sorrow and Joy, Souls
Ashes to ashes
She wrote with a brush,
A tattoo needle,
And dust to dust.
From this life to that
We pass,
We’re crushed,
Ashes to ashes,
And dust to dust
—
Heart to heart,
When we were young,
Living to music,
Song to song,
Love to love,
Our mutual need,
To cling together
And never leave.
—
Chorus:
Cuz we’re ashes to to ashes,
And dust to dust,
From this life to that
We pass, we’re crushed,
We burn, we rage,
We laugh, we trust,
Then we’re ashes to ashes,
And dust to dust.
—-
The limits of us
Were all too near;
The fire it burned,
But the end was clear.
The mistakes I made
Still bring me to tears:
The words unsaid,
And the realized fears—
—
Chorus:
Cuz we’re ashes to to ashes
And dust to dust,
From this life to that
We pass, we’re crushed,
We burn, we rage,
We laugh, we trust,
Then we’re ashes to ashes,
And dust to dust.
—
The needle it tore,
It bled, it ripped;
But the dye was cast,
And the words inscrib’d,
And my arm it burned
With the words I asked:
The dye, the needle,
All, mixed with his ash.
—
Chorus:
Yes, we’re ashes to to ashes,
And dust to dust,
From this life to that,
We pass, we’re crushed,
We burn, we rage,
We laugh, we trust,
Then we’re ashes to ashes,
And dust to dust.
Second Winter
22 Wednesday Feb 2023
Posted in Poetry
Tags
Afterlife, Ash Wednesday, Dad, Death, Death Poems, Dying, Fathers, Infinite, Loss, Love, Poem, Poems, Poetry, Winter, Winter poem
The Aspen shivers, a little,
Its barefeet are covered in snow again,
Its white body exposed to a white sky.
I wonder if it is finally going to cry,
But it’s silent again, so I do.
The road shimmers again,
Like a road in heaven,
And they both contain death.
Ash Wednesday twenty twenty-three,
The day we lost you to morphine,
I arrived too late, down the icy road,
To ever hear my name again
From your mouth.
We had thought winter gone
But that was only an illusion,
One we wanted to believe,
After waiting so long for Sun.
On Love and a Prayer
24 Tuesday Jan 2023
Posted in Poetry
Tags
Addiction, Death, drug addiction, Dying, Hope, Life, Loss, Love, Poem, Poems, Poetry, Soul, Souls, Survival, Yearning
I see him in every empty stare
A zombified generation
Of once beautiful souls
How did we get it so wrong
Sacrifice a generation
And how do we save them?
Love isn’t enough
When it has gone this bad,
So far from our empty promises
Is he beyond prayers, too
Because that’s all I have left
I see him in every empty stare
And send up this poem
On the fragile wings of love,
and a whispered prayer.
Winter Blind
24 Thursday Nov 2022
Posted in Poetry
Tags
Afterlife, Alone, Death, Death Poems, Eternity, Heaven, Hope, Ice, Infinite, Life, Loneliness, Loss, Love, Memory, Poem, Poems, Poetry, Sacred, Snow, Soul, Souls, Spirit, Spirits, The Universe, Winter, Winter poem
A white blanket was pulled over
Our homes, the earth, our heads,
As effortless as sliding on ice,
As uncontrollable as dying.
And, it was hard to see beginnings
Of fields, or endings of hilltops;
In that way, it was a blur of (also white) fog.
Who’s to say what lay behind it?
The infinite forever of lost souls–?
Just there, and there, look where
My finger is pointing, beyond the trees.
I see myself only as far as the fence-line.
All else sparkles back, a vision
Of what is here, and what has been here,
Always within the margin
Of what we can so easily see.
Her Arms
14 Monday Nov 2022
Tags
aspen, chickadee, Death, Death Poems, Ezra Pound, Falcon, Hope, Life, Loneliness, Loss, Love, magpie, Poem, Poems, Poetry, Pound, Robins, Soul, Souls, Spirit, Survival, Yearning
I will take a *Pound out of this poem everyday until it is three lines: a title, and 2 lines.
I envy the Aspen,
With her sleek, white body,
She stands unmoved,
While her leaves shake,
Turn color, fall,
And she is left,
Naked and alone,
In wind, rain, snow,
Enduring all,
Judging none,
No complaining.
In spring, I remember
Her limbs rejoiced
In buds, then leaves,
And birds.
They gathered
In her arms:
Robin, magpie,
Sparrow, finch, falcon.
This autumn was summer,
Then winter,
She is bare again.
The chickadees bounce
From perch to perch,
Fully happy in her embrace.
During this too early winter,
When we lose faith,
Fall to our knees,
Barely endure
dark day after dark day;
She stands reaching,
Arms outstretched to the sun
Beyond the clouds.
You must see now,
Why I envy the Aspen,
How she will survive,
And thrive, beyond me.
Have You Seen a Heart?
21 Sunday Aug 2022
Posted in Poetry
Forever and ever,
They have underestimated
Women.
Elizabeth
Would not be queen.
Born to a whore.
(They define whores.)
Do you see the difference?
The threat?
Does a man scare you the same way,
As a woman with a feline sway?
No, it is a woman
who brought down Troy,
And toys with the heart in you.
Have you seen a heart?
Not the one you scribble
In pen,
But the ripped out organ,
Still beating blood
Into your hands.
Wild Girl Kitty
11 Thursday Aug 2022
Posted in Poetry
Tags
Cats, Death, Death Poems, Feral Cats, Freedom, Hope, Life, Loss, Love, Poem, Poems, Poetry, Souls, Survival, weeds, Yearning
when she hid
behind the grasses
and weeds
you could only see
her eyes
but you had to be looking
all I want
is to exist
on this earth
I could hear
those words
I swear
I could hear her
say them
Love Letters
04 Thursday Aug 2022
Posted in Poetry
Tags
Afterlife, Death, Death Poems, Fathers, Forgiveness, Hope, Letters, Loneliness, Loss, Love, Love Letters, Love Poems, Lovers, Memory, Mothers, Poem, Poems, Poetry, Soul, Souls, Spirit, Survival
Whisper me a tale of lovers,
Through limbs of trees and years,
Rattle a leaf, turn a page,
Rifle through an abandoned dresser.
You will find them there among socks,
With no feet left to cover.
The body is taken away,
Yet, rises again in pen.
She recognizes the scrawl,
It is as much him as him,
And hymn to her hurting heart.
You realize love too late,
She thinks, beyond the day-to-day
Bicker and fuss, we lost us-–
She sees her lover now,
In what is left undone–
The many things he touched
And with his touch, flourished,
They wilt now that he’s gone.
Yet, in her hands,
She holds his scribbled words:
Nineteen sixty three, nineteen sixty four–
And, it all comes back to her.
Confession
01 Monday Aug 2022
Posted in Poetry
Knowing : the Other Side of Losing
30 Saturday Jul 2022
Posted in Poetry
Tags
Afterlife, Alone, Death, Death Poems, Dying, Eternity, Fathers, Infinite, Life, Loneliness, Longing, Losing, Loss, Poem, Poems, Poetry, Regret, Soul, Souls, Yearning
oh, they are right
with their cliches and memes
about how you will regret
when they’re gone
the missed opportunities
to hold them
to ask them
to listen
yes, it is obvious
isn’t it
but you are doomed
like I was
to never fully understand
the precious lives
so goddam important
to your own
so ubiquitous of shared moments
it is impossible to appreciate
their value
yes, it’s true
you’ll only know on the other side
of losing
welcome to being human
you will find it is full
of regrets
Some Gifts
29 Friday Jul 2022
Posted in Poetry
Tags
Afterlife, Dad, Death, Death Poems, Dying, Eternity, Fathers, Hope, Infinite, Life, Loss, Love, Love Poems, Poem, Poems, Poetry, Soul, Souls, Spirit, Survival, wolfhound, Wolfhounds
Some gifts are better than others,
The way I saw your heart extend
Into past memories of her—
Tears from your uncrying eyes—
Her loss was the one loss
That broke you like that,
Like that,
The sobbing unashamed.
And then, it’s as if we fast forward
The great movie of our lives together:
You’re dying,
I’m a middle-aged woman.
You give me a dog.
A wolfhound,
Like the one whose loss broke you
Way back then. Riagan. Riagan.
Whose eyes held our gaze,
Whose eyes sought to impart wisdom;
Perhaps, her eyes saw beyond this life,
To where you are now.
Wouldn’t it be something
If our lives are that special,
They continue forever,
Two points–three–an infinity of dots
On some great line that extends forever.
A Hope For Something Better
24 Tuesday May 2022
Tags
Attention, clouds, Death, Death Poems, Dying, Earth, Hope, Life, Loss, Mindfulnesses, Murder, Poem, Poems, Poetry, School Shooting, Souls, Uvalde Texas, Yearning
Would our lives be better
If we paid attention
Each drip drip
Each rustle and bow of leaves
The branches of the pine are dancing
To a song in 4/4 time
So is the purple sand cherry, dancing
Clouds upon clouds upon clouds
Let me describe them:
flat, dark bottoms, mountainous tufts
Bodies extending far into the sky
For sun, sun lighting up their top halves
I should say, the earth side is ominous
The heavenward side, radiant
Would you know what I mean
Today, of all days
When so many innocent are dead
Why wouldn’t they turn their eyes away
And hope for something better
How We Keep It
23 Monday May 2022
Posted in Poetry
Tags
Afterlife, Death, Death Poems, Doe Mountain, Dying, Father, Infinite, Life, Loss, Love, Memory, Poem, Poems, Poetry, Soul, Spirits
Moments, so beautiful they are painful,
Unless you take a deep breath
And carry them into your heart & lungs
Where they mix with the sweet oxygen
Of your body’s blood, pulse, beat, throb.
And you think, I will keep this, Lord,
Help me keep the memory of it,
Let me be changed forever to the goodness,
Yes, even the holiness of this moment.
(Because what is this, if not sacred?)
A poem can keep it, too, and as I read back,
I feel you in the flashing memory spots,
Where touch and sight and smell,
Ignite the latent feeling of you, still alive.
There you are, rising with other wonders:
The geese, flying through basalt cliffs,
The view, after ascending Doe Mountain,
The ocean, when I had not seen the ocean.
There you are among it all, in my mind,
And I can feel your love from this far away.
What Was Lost in the Trade
15 Sunday May 2022
Posted in Poetry
Tags
Children, Division, Divorce, Family, Hate, Healing, Life, Longing, Loss, Love, Love Poems, Marriage, Memory, Mothers, Poem, Poems, Poetry, Sacred, Self, Souls, Women's Poems, Yearning
The push, and pull, of memory,
When you left me I got sadness, despair,
When I left you, I got amnesia.
Be careful what you forget,
Memories, hostage to one another,
Shoved into the abyss, together they go,
What was beautiful, too,
The joy of holding his babies at my breasts,
The sound of love in first words;
Hope, like a childhood dream,
You’re embarrassed you believed.
And now, no plumbing the hole
With dirty hands, arms not long enough
To reach what was so easily given away;
(The hurt was not traded for living,
As I’d hoped,) no, I want them all back,
Though they bring you, with the sadness, too.
One Swan, One Last Kiss of a Bee
12 Thursday May 2022
Posted in Poetry
Tags
Afterlife, Beauty, Death, Death Poems, Dying, Happiness, Hog Lake Falls, Hope, Infinite, Life, Loss, Love, Poem, Poems, Poetry, prairie smoke, Prayer, Sacred, Soul, Soul Poetry, Souls, Spirit, Spirits, Spring, spring poem, Survival, The Universe, Truth, Yearning
Hog Lake Falls, a cool breeze,
One single, solitary swan.
I think I see him preening
From this vantage, far away.
Last time I hiked here, you’d just died,
And I thought, how lovely to know
I can bring you with me,
Free of the dying chair,
The dying bed, the whole dying room,
And house, where you’d locked yourself away.
Such days are ripe with feeling alive:
Prairie smoke droop their heads,
Their beautiful faces turned down,
As they wait for the kiss of a bee.
Then they will finally look up at the sky,
Say one last prayer, go to seed.
The Knowing Alone
01 Friday Apr 2022
Tags
Alone, Death, Death Poems, Dying, Grief, Healing, Life, Loneliness, Loss, Poem, Poems, Poetry, Souls, Spirit, Spirits, Spring, Survival, Yearning
They say,
There are five stages to grief;
All, feel terrible;
Where’s the relief?
When can we expect
To accept the loss of being
Who we were together.
The knowing alone–
Is that it, the end;
Is it final?
Mending spirit,
Where are you now?
Are the returning birds
Too loud to hear?
The Sun, too bright
To see?
The wind, too cold
To feel you?
Dimensions Around Us, Heaven
14 Monday Mar 2022
Posted in Poetry
Tags
Afterlife, Belief, Death, Death Poems, Dying, Eternity, Heaven, Hope, Infinite, Loss, Poem, Poems, Poetry, Sacred, Soul, Souls, Spirit, Spirits, Survival, The Universe
If there’s a heaven,
Who’s to say
It’s not right here,
Next to us,
Rather than far away?
Another dimension,
Our souls
Walk through at death,
More whole,
than in life.
Scientists say,
Our lives replay,
As we pass,
They can map
Our brain’s waves,
An almighty flash
Of memory cells,
Flashing.
What’s that about,
If not
Making us better?
And so
I talk to him,
In woods and fields,
My father,
Who loved woods
And mountaintops,
And me,
Less alone than before
He walked across,
Or flew across,
Or emerged across
The invisible line
Between life
And death,
The breadth of which,
Seems smaller
Than I knew before.
Bits of Poetry 